Our anxieties may control us. They completely dominate our lives, our thoughts, our plans, our simple processes. We feel that our entire existence must rotate around anxieties, worries, stresses, issues. They are a looming, flashing sign in our rear view mirror. Every single person has them, no matter how small or insignificant they may seem to others. It can be a worry about leaving the door unlocked, or it can be as big as a fear of walking outside the hall door to get some milk.

Why is it that our society labels people with issues such as these as problematic, or ill? It is an essential part of a personality, what makes them sad is as important as what makes them happy. It is so difficult to find out that to function normally, society expects people to be 100% perfect and have no problems. If you do, you need to see this doctor, this specialist. They will give you a label and then you can go back out into the world with a big sign over your head with the label displayed to everyone. I don't know how right this is. I mean, if you found out you had an STI, you would hardly have to write that down on a job application form. Yet mental illness is a section. They are really all the same.

For the last however many years, society has been encouraging this emphasis on silence about issues. The Catholic church I think played a huge part in this, as anything that may have caused a crack in the ideology was banned. I don't think they are all to blame though. I mean, members of the clergy aren't immune to issues simply because they are a member of the clergy. Now, there are numerous state-run organisations encouraging people to talk about issues and providing forums to do so. It is almost like they are trying to make up for the years of silence. I don't deny that these services are great...in fact I think they are really amazing. It's great to know that there are supports out there. I just wish there wasn't a need for so many.

In my dreams, there are no centres to take people who feel the only resolution to issues is suicide. In my dreams, there are no centres for animals who have been kicked by a bored, sad human being. In my dreams, there is no need for services for people who have lost someone to suicide. Yet, there is. I know it's a total Perfect World scenario, but it's hard not to think that if the right attitudes and methods had been put in place initially, there really wouldn't be any need.

I work hard in this area. I am involved in a number of different groups and organisations that work hard to help people with mental illness. This is all fuelled by my own experience of it. I have had a pretty rough time of it, but with help from my family and boyfriend and a small number of friends, I have come through it. Don't get me wrong, I wake up and have days when I feel like total crap and just want to sit in a dark room and sleep all day. Nine days out of ten, I don't need to do that. I wake up with a smile on my face and happy to go on with what I do. I have a very low self esteem. I admit that, now. But I am happy with my life. I know that the work I do, if it's handing out leaflets, or sending emails or just being a friendly face for people, may make a difference to someones day. My family and my amazing boyfriend were that friendly face for me. He was more than a rock for me and I will always owe that to him. If it was sitting up talking until 5 in the morning because I couldn't sleep, he would do it. If it was making a stupid joke, just so I would smile he would do it. Thank you for that. My family were unreal, sitting watching tv with me, so I wouldn't have to sit alone. Even though I told them to leave countless times, it was always so nice just to have someone with me.

These were the most important things to me while I was sick. Not medication, although it helped me. Counselling was amazing, getting to vent your issues to someone who knew NOTHING about you and then walk away was the biggest relief.

If anyone ever reads this and is feeling crap, smile. I promise you, from someone who has sat where you are right now and felt like rubbish, I am sitting here (although I can't sleep cos I drank a glass of diet coke 7 hours ago) and I am happy.

xkx